The bottom line is, life's not fair. It never claimed to be. There's always going to be that kind-hearted person who suffers more than their stuck-up neighbor. Beautiful spirits are guaranteed to cry a whole lot more than those who contain as much inner depth as the Dead Sea carries fish. You can slave hours over a research project just to see your perfunctory friend walk off with first prize. Sure, that's what life's going to offer, but sometimes we focus too much on this unfairness. Sometimes we take that pebble in our lives and throw it across the water just to watch it skip across the surface, spreading its rippling effect out across our view longer than it has to. We're often guilty of illuminating our perception of it. This isn't to say that people don't suffer, and that your problems aren't real. The world is lacking in empathy, but that doesn't mean you have to, especially in regards to yourself. It's alright to feel, and it's also okay to feel a little down on yourself sometimes. Congratulations, you're one of those human souls conscious of that deeper level of life. You can stop checking your pulse now, you're human, and still alive and aware. You can see its darkness, temptations, pain, suffering...and hopefully you're one of those people who can also come up for air and become re-aware of its beauty, pleasure, kindness, and love.
We have become a society filled with self-pity. It's not an unknown fact that you can easily look around at any moment and begin to feel self-conscious as the non-wrinkled 60-year olds look down at you. The juice-heads may tower over you, making the ground you walk upon shake. The pretty girls may tan their skin to an even shade and whiten their teeth to perfection. And yes, someone's hair is probably going to look better than yours at some point in your life. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we ever stop and superficially compare these strangers, acquaintances, friends, or loved ones to ourselves? And the funny thing is, they're most likely doing the same exact thing. You are who you are, and you have so much to offer the world that no other person can in the same exact way.
As we grow up, we experience more than we ever imagined possible in our once simpler lives. We meet people who hurt us, betray us, and judge us. But we'll learn that to ever be truly happy and enjoy ourselves, we must swallow our fear of those dark shadows in life, filled with those mysterious, conniving souls. We'll learn to trust ourselves more than others, but also to allow our lives to open up to newcomers as we gain a new level of wisdom. It's through our own minds and hearts that we must assess who we let in and who we need to stay, or go. And we'll grow proud of ourselves and stronger as we hold our heads higher, laugh a littler louder, and shine that much brighter.
However, life's not a plateau, no matter how strong we get, or how solid our steps become. There's always going to be that obstacle, that unexpected path, or stump that trips our feet. When it comes to love, it can make us happier than ever before. We may begin to walk so fast it's as if we're flying, our heads in the clouds with a clear view ahead. But time allows for an eclectic setting in life, the possibilities endless. Love can make us stronger than ever before, serving as the plaster to our dented hearts, and matching so perfectly we wonder how we ever beat on without it. But even in love you'll find yourself stuck within moments of insecure branches that trip you up. And some may catch you so off guard that you'll take a little longer getting up. But why you ask? I was skipping along just fine, humming through a smile....
Katharine Hepburn answered this question with,
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get only with what you are expecting to give which is everything."Sometimes in love, insecurities and self-consciousness comes from a new place within us. It isn't because we're weak individuals, and it isn't because we've fallen back in time and lost our inner strength or self-confidence. Take a deeper look into the definitions of those words. Love provokes a whole new level of uncertainties, and with these comes that self-consciousness. It doesn't matter if you date the most compassionate saint. At one time in your relationship you'll feel this way, and it's not because you doubt how you or your significant other feels. You could both be ready to walk down the aisle, but you'll still be straightening your tie, or rummaging with your dress, asking if you look as beautiful as you want to feel. And this time it's because of different reasons. It's not because you need to feel self-confident, nor because you want to be the prettiest girl in the room or the handsomest guy on the dance floor. The reason this time is because you want to remain that everything to the one you love. You want to stay that twinkle in their eyes. And our uncertainties as to how they'll react to changes within us, both those above and below the surface, will petrify us.
This time, when we trip over that stump as we skip along happily in love, we'll hesitate not because we can't get back up, but because our loved one awaits just in view ahead. And perhaps a few tears will escape as we ask, "Why right now, why this complication on such a delightful path?" And we may subconsciously then look down at our clothes and see them covered in mud...and we'll get the urge to run and hide for this isn't the way we wanted our loved one to see us...that perfect visual soiled. And this time we'll hide because we're so in love we want to offer everything to that other person, because in our eyes they're perfect, and because to us, they deserve the best there is. And whenever we fear we may not meet that definition, our uncertainty of the other's response will provoke that impulse to hide ourselves, cover-up the imperfections, wishing ourselves to magically sparkle clean and beautiful once again before we're seen.
Well, we can blow all the dandelions we want, making wish after wish, but those clothes are not going to wash themselves in mid-air, when we're isolated, away from any hope of recovery. For when we remain hidden, there's no moving forward. There's no answer to our uncertainty, and there's no response that can be seen--whether that be a look of disgust or abandonment, a tear-stained kiss, or a healing hug. At some point we have to come out of hiding and face what lies ahead. That's the only way we can ever look forward to skipping again, the only way we can ever flaunt our uniquely mud-splattered clothes. We need to trust the one we love and the fact that what's going to happen in life will happen, and we must continue on strongly. Our only hope is to uncover ourselves and reveal who we are, every part of us that at some point must be seen. We just have to pray that it's enough, and have faith in ourselves and all we can offer.
And if we're lucky, when we're ready to step out from behind that tree, we may just feel a hand pull ours and help guide us back out into the sunlight. And we just may get that kiss and that long-awaited hug that you desired before you ever fell and lost your way. And if we're not quite ready to step back into the open, maybe we'll find that other person right up-close next to us, ready to hide by our side for as long as we need. And as we stare into the eyes of our loved one and still see that sparkling image of ourselves reflect in them, we'll watch our worries and all of the momentary uncertainties dissolve away under the sun. And perhaps this time, you'll find yourself skipping arm in arm...smiling wider than ever...because the one you love still recognized you behind that tree...and still loved you, because you were still their everything. And everything was all you ever wanted for them, because through them you already had it too.
Photo by: Chris Craymer "Romance"
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